Everybody knows about the horribly funny Hindu Janajagruti Samiti which said that women should never leave their hair untied. Reason? It will invite ‘negative energies’ which will result in ‘depression, worry, increased sexual thoughts leading to promiscuity’. Wondering what this Samiti aims at? A Hindu rashtra. That’s right. The pathway to this Bharat is through a woman’s hair. There are no instructions on pubic hair on the website though. Will you be coming up with another memo regarding the same?
Here are 5 other aspects of a woman’s life and conduct that the Samiti thinks are really important. Warning: These opinions are prone to cause stomach cramps due to excessive laughter.
1. Don’t use bindi. Use kumkum
Hi Samiti, you are clearly of the opinion that a woman’s body is the property of this Hindu nation that you are trying to build and it would have been good if you stopped at that stupidity. But you bravely ventured out into other arenas and explored areas which you know nothing about. You think that applying kumkum/saffron instead of a bindi is better. Okay. No problem. Can you also explain what you mean by this (stupid) experiment?
You have asked people to look at these two pictures with ‘concentration and note whether you feel good, bad or nothing at all after looking at the pictures’.
Umm… it is possible that people feel sorry for you but what other feeling were you expecting? Do you often ‘feel’ things looking at women’s pictures? Then isn’t it time you addressed that problem? Instead, you have said this. ‘By looking at the woman in picture ‘A’, one experiences discomfort. The woman shown in picture ‘A’ has applied a bindi on her forehead. By looking at the woman in picture ‘B’, one feels good. The woman shown in picture ‘B’ has applied Kumkum on her forehead.’ Looking at you, people are currently feeling an immense urge to hit their heads on the wall. Can you explain that and provide a solution before you treat your discomfort of seeing women wearing bindis?
2. Beauty parlours are to be avoided. It has demonic women
Apparently, you have women who report these incidents to you but excuse me, who are these women? When you go to a salon to get a haircut you hardly have time to look at your own reflection in the mirror because you have to turn your head this way and that. Yet, one of the women, you claim, reported that, she realized something looking at photographs of women in salons. That these women were ‘enticing others to go in for demoniacal hair-styles’. She also said that ‘after a while, faces of those women in photographs would appear scary and distressing’. Wow! Isn’t that cute! You spoke to a woman who thought that pictures were talking to her. And you thought that reporting that as evidence will be a great idea rather than thinking if she is all right. By the way, are you all right? You don’t seem so from the bullshit you preach.
3. Acupressure? Wear ornaments
These people also think that wearing ornaments is acupressure treatment and that it will remove ‘black energy obstacles’. Forget that these people do not give a f**k about science and keep talking about mysterious ‘negative energies’ that surround women. It also has no idea of culture or tradition. Well, culture and tradition which are non-Hindu. The next idiocy will confirm this.
4. Only Hindus wear ornaments
While talking about the importance of ornaments, they say that ‘only in Hindu culture there is a tradition of wearing ornaments all over the body, such as the head, hair, ears, nose, neck, arms, hands, fingers, waist and feet’. Hmm. Have you heard of other religions and customs and practises and traditions in those? Ever attended a Muslim wedding? Oh wait, that must be definitely equivalent to attracting ‘negative energy’ according to you, ain’t it?
What you can do
So here is something you can do. Grab the next offer at the nearest salon, go in there and stare at the pictures of girls. If someone calls the police, surrender. If they just give you looks, keep staring and see if these women say ‘f**k you’ to you. Attend a Muslim wedding, see if the women there are wearing ornaments. Give a lecture on how it is going to remove black energy. When you get slapped, say sorry and get out of there. The food is great, but no, you don’t get to eat it because of all that black energy talk. If you feel faint looking at a woman who is wearing a bindi, please go to her and ask the way to the nearest hospital. This could be a sign of a number of health hazards. You need a doctor to diagnose you. If the doctor is someone who has left her hair loose and not tied, you can try preaching your theory there. She will know what to do exactly. Thanks.