For the kind attention of the International Arya-Vysya Sangham.
Congratulations on your new venture called ‘Kill Kancha Ilaiah and Cut his Tongue off.’ While it seems that cutting an author’s tongue off or killing him is the most natural reaction to a book that you think is offensive to your caste, allow us to help you excel in this field. These days, these backward castes have become very assertive. They want people to take such things seriously. Can you imagine! Kalyug it is, indeed!
So according to you, the title and contents of the book ‘Samajika smugglurlu komatollu‘ (Vysyas are social smugglers) written by Ilaiah is derogatory to your caste.
You have already taken some steps to make sure that he regrets writing it. [Aim higher. You should make him regret the fact that he was born. That’s the way to go about it.]
You have called him on the phone incessantly and have made death threats. Ilaiah has lodged a complaint with the police. The audacity on that man, I say! Earlier they would just take all that insult and keep quiet. Look at them now! You have also burnt his effigies. But tell me folks, is that it? Is that all you are capable of? You need to step it up.
Do the research. Kancha Ilaiah is a well-known author. He wrote a book called ‘Why I am Not a Hindu’ among others. The first step is to ask everyone in your community to buy the book and read it. Ilaiah will cringe thinking of what you people must be doing with his book. Keep in mind that, the book makes a lot of sense and you are allergic to sense. So use gloves or something or sunglasses.
This is how intellectuals have to be approached. Do unto their work the worst you can do unto their work. In your case, it is reading it.
2. Thesis Paper
Read the controversial book and write a thesis paper. It should list out all the places where Ilaiah dared make derogatory remarks about Vysyas. Then you should write a paragraph each not less than 300 words, about how and why it is derogatory. The next step is to combine all these writings from all the people in your community, approach one of your publishers and publish it. Then send the book to Kancha Ilaiah. He will definitely fall sick seeing the bile.
3. Sing a Song
Compose a song called ‘Kancha Ilaiah sucks’. Sing it before, in between and after movie screenings in all theatres. Stand while you do it. Arrest people who don’t stand and put them in prison.
Make a Kancha Ilaiah dummy. Throw it in river Ganga. Shoot a video of this. Tell people that you killed Ilaiah. When you are questioned, reveal that it was symbolic and only a dummy. Run.
Do a makeover and make yourself look like Kancha Ilaiah. Go to him and claim that you are him. Your achievements: Spooked out Ilaiah, Identity crisis.
Get treatment for your identity crisis. Blame Ilaiah for being Ilaiah and snatching the Ilaiah identity away from you. Continue treatment.