5 Jokes That Aren’t Jokes Or; An Exercise In Being A Dickhead

Amused, much?

Is laughter innocent? You think when you ‘joke’ about rape or a person’s sexual orientation it’s funny? Then your funny bone needs to be broken because these are not jokes. It’s just power. A majority or a power wielding person saying nasty things about a minority or a powerless person or identity. Suppose one day having black hair becomes an uncommon thing? In your office people make a black hair joke and no one can stop laughing. You join in too because team spirit is the secret mantra for putting up with abuse. How would you like that? Why then, do you think that ‘blonde jokes’ are funny? Ex act ly.

Let’s get this straight. There are some things in life which are not funny.

1. Sexual Orientation Jokes

Do you know why you make ‘gay jokes?’ To prove that your being straight is the best thing that happened in your life and that you fuck the best and that yours is the best dick in town. Wow! What an achievement to have to put in your CV. To prove a point which is not even a point you make other people feel like shit. Have you tried applying at Republic TV?

Do you know what happens because of people like you? If someone is gay, they are going to hide it. They might even laugh when you crack your ‘gay jokes.’ Like how when a joke is cracked and you haven’t got it you laugh the loudest to prove that you absolutely got it and that you are not stupid.

Then there are some of you who *wink* *wink* and pick on a friend of yours and say that he is gay. I once asked someone why that was funny and got the weirdest reply ever. ‘Because in reality he is not gay.’ So? Gay people don’t nudge each other, wink and say look there, he is so straight, do they?

2. Sexist Jokes

Ah, the classic example would be that of the Uber Board Member. His was a multi-layered joke. Only, it was on himself. It was multi-layered because it was said in a meeting which was convened to address sexism in Uber. That’s when he said that there was ‘likely to be more talking’ when Arianna Huffington mentioned having more women onboard. Ha ha. Can it be more funny? But there is one major difference over there and in our ‘Swachch Bharat.’ This man got sacked for the remark. Here, elected representatives of the people, judges, filmmakers, artists, practically anyone, can make such a comment and continue to hold their respective positions. Like how this whole routine is based on sexist jokes and the man is still in business. No wonder why amazon prime didn’t sign up women.


3. Rape Jokes

The first rule about rape jokes is that it doesn’t exist. For something to be a joke, it has to be funny. Rape is not funny. Salman Khan, when he said that his physical exhaustion while shooting was similar to that of a ‘raped woman,’ was being a dickhead. Not making a joke. You think you are being smart when you treat rape as a metaphor? No, you are just being dumb.

4. Body Shaming

Jokes about a person’s body are not jokes. That’s called body shaming. When you make fun of someone calling them fat, saying, ‘leave space for two because he is going to need it’, or ‘does your mom use you to pluck mangoes?’ to mean that a person is tall and thin, the joke is on you. It just means that you lack common sense, that you don’t know that there are people with different types of bodies. In other words, it means that you have cow dung in place of your brain.

5. Reservation Jokes

Oooh yeah. Sexy. The average upper caste Indian’s favourite resort. Crack a joke or two about how all your jobs are being ‘taken away’ from you, how admission to colleges is highly ‘irregular’ because of this system, remarks, jokes, memes and what have you. This one is the worst of all. And what is this cribbing and crying about? About one good system that the country has in place because of people like you. When you joke about reservation, ever thought of pointing your finger at your stupid self? That you are part of the caste system, in fact, you are the perpetrator? Ah, no, you are busy calculating how many more ‘upper caste’ people would benefit if not for reservation. Good luck with that. At least you’ll learn some math that way.

Casteist Whining

Below is an interesting take on un-funny jokes that are actually abusive in nature.

Don’t wait for someone to make a joke on you to realize abuse. Nip it in the bud.

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