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Vagina Tightening Is Back. Guess What They Want Inside Your Vagina Now

Wasps, really?

Whiten and Tighten

Lo and behold women, your vaginas are being pampered. Oops. Tightened. Tightened is the word. The world somehow thinks that the vagina is some sort of a screw. [Pun intended by the market] It holds things [like the penis] in place and it has to be tight. If it becomes loose, you have to tighten it. That still does not explain why people want vaginas and vulvas to be white too. Could it be racism? Nah. How could you even think that!

Last time we were asked to whiten and tighten was when they came up with something called 18again. One would think that since the idea being proposed is preposterous enough, they would at least try and make up in the name of the product. Nope. 18Again told women that

  1. Women at the age of 18 have ‘tight’ vaginas
  2. This is the target of all women who have passed the 18 mark
  3. By being ‘18 again’, you become more desirable to men
  4. You’d be empowered and feel like a virgin

Err… so you want all women to go back to teenage because you think that’s when the vagina is the tightest. Are you all right? 18 was when no one could tell if the angst one was feeling was from the board exams or from fighting with mom over how late you could return home. If women were to feel empowered by being a virgin, why is it that it is considered empowering for men to not be a virgin. Stereotyping never had  bigger ambassador.

Wasp Nests Inside Vaginas

The latest in the vagina tightening industry are wasps. W A S P S.  Yes. Those flying creatures which sting you and then you yell in pain and curse like crazy. That’s okay. People now say that they can be put to use. Quiet literally. Wasp nests are supposed to be put inside your vagina to make it useful. Do you even think before you talk? Forget think. Do you even thi-?

Looking at this picture of a wasp nest.

Oak_gall_the_nest_of_a_wasp
They say that this oak gall – a wasp’s nest – will tighten your vagina

What on earth is that thing. Well, it is what the world expects women to shove in their vaginas to tighten them for the pleasure of dicks. You think inserting it in a vagina is going to tighten it. Okay let’s put this in perspective. This is like asking men to poke their dicks in a beehive so that it gets stung and swollen. [For the world wants men to have bigger dicks just like it wants women to have white tight vaginas.] Of course such a preposterous thing will never be said about men. Yet when it comes to women, the whole world seems to think that a woman’s vagina is everyone’s property. Well, everyone’s except the woman’s. Why would someone imagine something this gross let alone say it?

Why Why Why?

We know why. Everyone wants women to believe that their body is imperfect. And what is the basis of perfection? Male fantasies and pleasure. Supposedly, tighter vaginas give more pleasure to the owners of dicks which go inside them. So it becomes the woman’s responsibility to cater to this need. Wait a minute what? Don’t you think this is a liiiii’le bit weird?

Let’s put it this way because clearly, you have trouble understanding things. In your hostel mess they have idli for breakfast. But you like to have cow urine. Well, some people do like it. No problem but then you can’t possibly ask the mess cook to buy gomutra every morning spending money out of their pocket so that you can have your favourite breakfast, right? That’s what it sounds like when you ask women to do random gross stuff so that you can get all this pleasure that you seek.

Pleasure. Really? Next time try a better excuse to fulfill your sick fantasies. What makes you think that men have a monopoly on pleasure? Excuse me, women like pleasure too. It’s just that we don’t come up with really nasty ideas about what you should do to your body so that we can get more pleasure.

And trust me if we do you are going to stop having sex. For good.

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